I Don't Feel At Home Anywhere Anymore

Thirty-year-old Viv Li is studying art in Belgium and hasn’t lived in her native China for ten years. During the Christmas holidays, she pays a nine-day visit to her family in Beijing, where it soon becomes clear how uprooted she has become by her life abroad. Losing your roots is a painful process, Li shows, though it has its humorous moments. In brief, this wistful but witty account of a trip to Beijing portrays the discomfort of the bird that has flown returns to the nest. 

This short film was made right before the pandemic hit the world in early 2020. Whenever I screen this film and look back at this moment, I found it ironic that I was feeling so lonely and alienated at my own home town. Little did I know that I  would be separated from them for the next two years, and still counting. Little did I know that the world would all feel a kind of isolation that we are more helpless of.  

I wonder, if I knew this, would I have behaved differently?  I gave up on the subtitles because I want to create an intimate experience for the audience just as they are in the rooms with me. Subtitling word by word sometimes makes a film flat, and leaves less space for imagination. I hope the audience could enjoy searching for clues in the image, rather than in the words. And also, enjoyed seeing all the Chinese food we ate.  

There are 50 million overseas Chinese in the world. The choice of studying abroad and settling abroad have been considered a proud extension of one’s life in Chinese society. However, after adjusting to a foreign life, coming back home has always been a strange and weighty process, especially as an artist, a single female and a 30-year-old.  My strange relationship with a Chinese home is often shared with people in many different cultures. And that didn’t surprise me. 

Globalisation made us floating, rootless and free, but we should always remember, there’s one thing, home will always remain very good at:  

Only there, we can be a complete loser and it will still be okay.  - Viv Li, Director's Statement 

Director: Viv Li 

Writer: Viv Li 

Cinematographer: Viv Li 

Editor: Viv Li 

Production: DocNomads 

Selected Awards & Nominations

Special Mention - International Documentary Festival Amsterdam, the Netherlands, November, 2020

Winner - Diaspora International Short Film Festival, Turkey, August, Best Film, 2021

Winner - Toronto Reel Asian International Film Festival, Canada, November, Air Canada Short Film Award, 2021

Winner - MakeDox Creative Documentary Film Festival, North Macedonia, August, Onion Seed Award, 2021

Special Mention - Leiden Shorts, the Netherlands, September, 2021

Winner - Toronto Reel Asian International Film Festival, Canada, November, Air Canada Short Film Award, 2021

Winner - Leuven International Short Film Festival, Belgium, December, Best Documentary, 2021

Online Resources

Director's Website

Director's Instagram

Official Facebook Page

Screening information

To obtain a copy of the film at the special £20 screening rate for Refugee Week 2022, please contact directly director Viv Li here